


Shay Cormac x Reader - The Irish Father

by Oreana



Series: The Irish Father [1]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: F/M, Love, Romance, Single Parents, Widowed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:31:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6564490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oreana/pseuds/Oreana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader ends up a widowed mother with her little girl to think of—running into Shay Cormac a few times through her living in the American Colonies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A request for a lovely on my tumblr account. =) A second part will eventually be written and added into the 'explicit' category. So far--this story is clean. Enjoy, my dears.

The night was cold, but you expected no less when it came to the weather of New York. Honestly, you wouldn’t be out in it much longer. You had everything you needed for dinner tonight, and now all that was left was to get home—back to the warmth of the fire and to the welcome embrace of your husband, (H/N).

“Mamma!”

It was a voice as pure and innocent as heaven itself. Your little girl, only four-years-old, was hurrying to you with her favorite, handmade doll tucked away in her arm. Her small hand grabbing at your dress, she tugged upon it even if your gaze alone would tell her you were attentive to her needs. “What is it, (C/N)?” you asked, moving one free hand to the top of her head while the other kept the basket of food you needed for dinner.

Just as she was about to respond, the both of you were caught off guard by the sound of a man falling out of the nearby alleyway with another swooping down on top of him like a predator that had found its prey. Breaths caught, you instinctively outstretched your arm to keep your child safe from harm as you saw a hooded man hovering over the unsuspected stranger with a blade, which was jetting from under his wrist, engaged.

Seeing the blade shining in the light of the night made you feel weak in the knees at the thought that you and your poor innocent child were to see someone being murdered. However…your little girl’s scream pierced the night and caught the hooded man’s attention.

He looked to you then, but it was hard to see him clearly from under his disguise accompanied with the veil of night. His hand with the blade stalled as he obviously was startled by your presence alone and…your daughter (as he appeared to be gazing at her the most intently).

“Get out of here!” the nameless man demanded in his thick, Irish accent, gripping the fellow, who was his target, harshly about the neck to keep him pinned. “A child such as that shouldn’t bear witness to this—!”

He couldn’t finish. The man he had pinned struck the hooded stranger across the jaw and made the Irishman lose his balance. This other man, which was on the ground prior, was ready to fight, so it seemed, and he did so with another quick stab at this nameless foreigner—catching the elaborately dressed gentleman with a hood in his side. Seemed this hooded figure couldn’t risk another moment to wait for either of you to react, as he reared back his hand with the blade and dug it right into the neck of the man he was fighting.

You gasped as did your child (hiding behind your gown as she did so). Arms weak, you nearly dropped the basket full of food you held. You knew of the war and you knew there was death all around in this world, but to actually see it and also expose your child to it was a heartbreaking experience.

“God dammit,” you heard the man hiss, his hand to his side as he turned to you with a shake of his head. You couldn’t see his eyes, so you couldn’t say what might be mutely going through his mind. “I am sorry, miss.” His voice was heavy and you heard him hiss (possibly from the injury) as he tried to speak. “I didn’t mean to-,” he wheezed, “-to have you see that.”

He was intentionally standing in front of the body and hiding the blade you saw engaged earlier. While his method for killing someone was brutal and cold, you saw in his stance that he meant well and didn’t intend for you both to witness such a bitter, cruel act. Perhaps there was more to the story than just a brawl gone wrong? You weren’t sure, and you were nervous to ask as you kept your child behind you all the more (even if she was eager to look beyond you at the bloody sight).

“Y-You are hurt, sir…?” you asked nervously, noticing that the blood was starting to mark his gloved hand he had over his wound. Maybe the hooded stranger was frightening standing there as he was, but his words appeared to be pure and honest.

He leaned against the nearby wall with a wave of his other hand quickly. “Don’t mind me,” he insisted, a cocky smile just seen under the shadow of his hood. “I’ve endured worse.” When you refused to move still, the stranger waved at you yet again. “Move along. I’ll be fine.”

You weren’t sure what to do. One man was dead at the hands of the other, but this hooded stranger had a moral code of conduct that many men in this life lacked, it seemed. Would you just leave him to his injuries?

Gathering your courage, you headed towards him and offered him your hand. “Come with me,” you whispered between the two of you, trying to aid him onwards towards your home. “You are wounded, and I can help you.”

The man quickly looked down at your daughter, and in his sudden movements you actually worried you made the wrong choice, but it seemed he was all too intent to make sure (C/N) didn’t see the dead body as he ushered her in front of you both. She looked up at the man with wide, curious eyes but said not a thing. Perhaps she was too frightened to? You never would imagine your young daughter would be exposed to something as horrifying as that.

The hooded figure grunted from his sudden actions as the movement agitated the wound in his side and made more blood mark his attire from the stress of it.

“You shouldn’t move so suddenly,” you said gently as a means to scold him, guiding him to your house still.

“I am aware of that, thank you.” His tone was labored and his teeth gritted as he hissed from the oncoming pain that raked through him. Nodding to you, face still shrouded, he asked, “What is your name?”

“(Y/N),” you answered simply before gesturing down at your daughter next. “And this is (C/N)—my daughter.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you both…regardless of the circumstances that be.” He was silent for a moment as he followed you home. “Shay Patrick Cormac,” the man responded, removing his hood finally to expose himself all the more to you.

With his face revealed, you took in the Irishman all the more. His hair, which framed his face and touched just above his shoulders, was as brown as his eyes. He seemed like every other man out there, but you still could not remove the brutal attack he had landed on that stranger earlier. “It is a pleasure to meet you,” you answered with a smile, heading onwards to your house to allow Shay inside.

Your daughter was quick to hurry onwards without you and run right for her father like she had to tattle on someone. She was calling out for him all through the house, but it didn’t take long for him to round the corner to scoop her up and hold her close to his chest.

“What’s gotten you so excited, princess?” your husband asked, turning to notice the wounded man with you. “Oh…what happened here now?” 

Shay merely raised his free hand as a means to wave with a hiss of discomfort as he was reminded of his wound again when the tenderness crept up his side. “Evening, sir,” he greeted through his teeth.

“He’s been injured, dear,” you explained, ushering him onwards and to the living room.

“Ah, I can see that...” His voice trailed off as he possibly thought of the child in the room. Your husband looked down to (C/N) and gently ushered her away from the scene. “Come on, you.” You saw him smile down at (C/N) as he took her hand to his. “Why don’t you head to your room for a bit while we take care of this gentleman?”

You heard your daughter try to disagree. No doubt she wanted to stay and check in on this Shay character all the more given the startling way she had encountered him, but you had to agree having her out of the room was the better alternative as you slowly pulled Shay’s hand from his wound. “Let me see it,” you ordered gently, as you could feel him reluctant to part from his injury as his hand tensed against yours.

It was a deep cut that would need to be stitched up with a needle and thread. You had such a thing, but he would have to either endure the pain or be intoxicated were you to do it. “Tell me,” you began, as you gently touched the blooded cut only to have him hiss at you and his body stiffen, “how good are you at either enduring pain or holding your drink?”

Shay laughed sarcastically with a roll of his eyes. “Either will do fine, (Y/N). Admittedly, I won’t deny the whiskey if you offer it so, but I don’t need to be intoxicated for such a thing.”

You merely rolled your eyes playfully at his cocky behavior. Most men were too prideful to admit whenever something might be too much, so you’d keep the idea on the shelf for now. “I’ll give you the whiskey when we’re done then.” Figuring out what needed to be done, you motioned to him. “Off with your clothes then—come on.” 

“How is he?” came the voice of your husband as he entered the room again in a hurry.

“He’ll be fine,” you assured your curious lover with a nod. “Can you do me a favor and help him undress while I get the needle and thread as well as some other things?” You needed some medicine and clean towels and water to make sure the injury wouldn’t get infected. That’s the last thing this stranger would need if you sewed it up infected so.

“Of course,” said (H/N) as he ventured over to Shay to assist him in such a thing while you scurried off into the household to bring back the other items you needed for the success of patching up this wounded man.

You would return later with everything you needed—finding Shay without his decorative, hooded attire to expose the injury all the more. Sitting beside him, you worked on trying to clean the wound first only to have the Irishman growl at the pain assaulting him from you doing so. “Sorry,” you apologized, continuing your work diligently so he wouldn’t have to suffer much more. “It might sting a little bit.”

Shay managed a laugh through the pain. “You don’t say?”

‘Cocky ass’ was the word that came to mind when he said such a thing, but you let it slide while tending to him all the same. He was in pain, so no doubt his lips would allow a few choice things to slip past them in the process—you just had to learn to ignore it.

It took a bit of the night, but eventually Shay was all patched up from the injury. “Do you feel alright?” you asked, gathering up his clothes to hand them back over to him to put back on if he so chose to.

“Well, that pain will take a bit to get through, but I will be fine,” answered Shay as he took his clothes from you and began to work his way back into them slowly with your husband’s help. “As I said: I’ve endured worse.” With his intricately designed clothes put back into place upon his body, he sighed out his relief all the same. “I thank you both for your kindness. I won’t forget this.” Shay bowed slightly to you and your husband before turning on his heels to head towards the front door.

As your husband saw him about to leave, he was quick to stop him with an outstretched hand. “Wait now,” (H/N) began, “you are injured, sir. It would be unwise to go out like that. Why not rest here?”

Shay’s hand stopped right at the door’s handle as he heard (H/N)’s offer. “I really should be going, sir, but I thank you.”

“Come, Shay,” you said, a sigh escaping your lips at this impossible man, “you can afford to be off of your feet for a few moments more, don’t you think?”

Seemed it would take the both of you ganging up on this mysterious man to make him rethink matters, for he did finally sigh and admit defeat. In the end, it allowed you to cook him something to eat. That would put your mind at ease that you patched up this stranger and fed him. Next step would be tricky…trying to convince him to sleep there so that you could make sure the wound would heal as intended.

All the same, you waited for that moment during dinner as your daughter sat beside you at the table while watching Shay intently. “Stop staring, (C/N),” you whispered to her softly. “That’s impolite.”

Shay could hear the whispers, as he looked up from his dish at the both of you for a moment.

Your child wasn’t shy with what she had to say next, but you expected no less of one that young. “But he sounds funny, and I want to see if he talks again.”

Your husband laughed, but you were a bit more embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” you quickly apologized to Shay, releasing your bread that was in your hands to explain your daughter’s words to the man. “She’s never heard that accent before.”

Shay smirked as he finished chewing the deer meat in his mouth. “Mm. Agus nach bhfuil sí éisteacht a labhairt liom i mo theanga dhúchais.”

Seemed that just made (C/N)’s mind go blank. All she did was stare at him like he had done something magical, and it was enough to make the Irishman smile with pride as he watched her expression light up in interest upon taking a drink of the whiskey.

Even you yourself were a bit confused as to what you just heard.

“I know Gaelic,” Shay confessed, picking away at his meat a bit before he looked at everyone at the table. “My da was the one to teach it to me before he died. I just never use it much as there’s no reason.”

“Wh-What did you say?” (C/N) asked curiously.

“I said: ‘and to think she’s not heard me speak in my native language’,” Shay explained with a wave of his hand as if to shrug at the idea that it was remotely close to that in English. “Or…something to that affect. The translation is funny when you think about it.”

“But even you speaking now is funny,” (C/N) continued relentlessly.

Rolling your eyes, you gently grabbed her shoulders. “(C/N)! Enough of that now! That’s rude!”

“(C/N),” your husband even began as a warning tone to her relentless behavior. All your daughter had to do was look at her father and see in his accusing stare that it was best to leave it be as she quickly gazed down at her hands folded in her lap.

Shay gave a crooked smile all the same as he took another long drink of his whiskey. “No, no, (Y/N),” the man insisted with a wave of his hand. “Children are a curious sort. I understand this world is too new to her, so she has questions and concerns.”

“Have children of your own do you, Mr. Cormac?” (H/N) asked as he finished off his meal right after you and Shay did. Seeing most of everyone was finished, you took to your feet and started to take up the plates and bottles so the dining table could be cleaned.

“Thank you, (Y/N),” Shay said as you grabbed up his plate and let him keep to his drink he had yet to finish. Turning to your husband, he shook his head quickly. “I’ve yet to find the one, really, and I am just too busy to try looking.”

Your husband pried at that last comment. “What is your line of work?”

Hearing (H/N) ask such a thing made you look over your shoulder with interest as you desired to know the same thing.

“I’d rather not say,” answered Shay as he pushed himself up from the table after wiping his mouth hastily and finishing off the whiskey you had offered him. “I better get going. It is rather late, and I have somewhere to be.”

Pulling from your task when it came to the dishes, you turned to stop Shay eagerly as you wiped your hands on your apron. “Shay, you still need to rest at least. You can’t just go tearing back to the streets like this now!”

Shay was no doubt rolling his eyes at you, as he leaned his head back for a moment and then lowering it with a shake as if to curse himself for your relentless behavior. When he turned to gaze upon you and your family, he offered a smile that was obviously fake. “I’ll be fine; I promise.”

You watched as your daughter became bold once more and took off towards this man to grab his gloved hand and make him look to her. Seemed the feel of her small hand in his own caught him off guard as he was quick to try and pull it back…or was he quick to pull it away from her because of the weapon he had concealed under his wrist?

“You can stay with me in my room,” (C/N) offered with an innocent smile at the idea.

All the same, it made Shay stifle a laugh. “Really?” Moving his clothing out of his way, he took to one knee slowly to get a better look at your daughter. “I don’t think I’d fit in your bed though, (C/N).” He was trying not to laugh when he said such a thing, and even from where you stood, you could tell he was being genuinely kind and lighthearted. It made you feel relieved you made the right decision in the end to aid this man.

“You can rest on the couch, Shay,” your husband instructed, his hands upon (C/N)’s shoulders.

“Yes, and after I’ve checked in on the injury, you can be on your way the next day,” you promised with a nod to him as you went back to cleaning up the mess that dinner had provided you.

Shay sighed, tilting his head to the side as he knew there was no escaping it. You were relentless and your husband’s kind and caring heart wouldn’t allow him to leave either. “Alright,” Shay responded. “I’ll stay for the night, but as soon as possible, I have to be going.”

You prepped the couch just as you promised you would for Shay to rest and then took to tucking your daughter in to sleep before finding yourself relieved that you would be off of your feet finally for the day. Removing your boots slowly, (H/N) came up behind you and started to kiss your cheek with a gentle and reassuring squeeze to your shoulders. Falling into his touch, you smiled brightly and even felt some energy return to you as you turned to try and look him in the eyes.

“You did good, (Y/N),” he whispered, kissing your cheek as his strong embrace brought you closer to him. “You helped that man when he could have died.”

Chuckling at the thought, you shook your head. “He probably would have been fine without me, but you’ve always told me to do right by everyone you meet.” You had been with your husband for years—starting as friends when you both were young. (H/N) lived not far from you, so you spent a lot of time with him throughout your young lives. As you both got older, you became more cynical while he became your light and reassurance that there was good in this world; all you had to do was ‘look for it’ even in the darkest of places.

You heard him laugh lightheartedly. “Am I rubbing off on you?” he asked, his voice sounding pleased by that thought alone.

Smirking, you responded tauntingly to him, “Like a bad habit, yes.”

He laughed that whole hearted laugh you had grown to adore before you felt his welcome kiss upon your cheek yet again. When you refused to look at him, he coaxed you into doing so with his fingers just under your chin. “Good to know that,” he whispered between you both, as if it were some secret you both shared.

 

Your husband and yourself found comfort within the coming night together. You slept peacefully regardless of the idea there was a stranger in your house you barely knew. However, the idea that Shay was still resting on the sofa, you found yourself on your feet before the sun even rose. Maybe it was curiosity that prompted you to go check in on him so soon, but even so, you found the sofa vacant of him.

Finding his early to escape behavior odd, your fears were put to ease that he might have taking advantage of your kindness when a bag of coins and a letter there on the table caught your attention. Picking up the letter as you kept your quilt wrapped about you tightly given the chill in the air, you opened it to read what was written.

To whoever finds this letter, 

Thank you and your family for all for your kindness, but I am afraid I couldn’t oblige to the idea of staying the night. I left early to head back to where I need to be, as I don’t want to be a burden.

The money should pay you back a mere fraction of my gratitude. It is the least I could do. If I could do more, I would.

Sincerely,

Shay Patrick Cormac

Folding up the letter slowly, you sighed through your nostrils at his impossible behavior. “Just forget about it,” you insisted, shaking your head free of worry. “I should kill my husband for giving me this disease to worry over others so.”

And with that said, you took to the kitchen to focus on making breakfast before everyone was to rise for the morning.

\--

Time continued as it usually did, and nothing really exciting happened in your other wise uneventful life (though you preferred it uneventful if you were to be honest). However, your husband was part of a crew—the crew of the brig called The Fissure—, and her captain was intent on taking to seas for a trip up north to help look for another ship that had gone missing with some important documents on board. You knew what that meant…weeks again without your husband there beside you.

“How long will this one take, (H/N)?” you asked with a dreary sigh as the sea kissed wind tossed about your hair there at the docks. He had done a horrible job at keeping you informed of this happening, and now that the date was upon you both, you felt robbed of your time with him.

“A week,” he answered reluctantly. “Two at most—but listen to me!” (H/N) was quick in his words as he reached for your cheek to try and get you to look at him as you attempted to turn away. His fingertips to your cheeks flushed in anger, you reluctantly did as he asked but not without a narrowing of your eyes. “I will be back. You know I will.”

Before you could hope to stay mad much longer, (H/N) handed over a single white rose to you with that same, alluring smile. You tried to remain mad as you looked at it, but a sigh of defeat escaped you as you accepted the item of his affection. “You better come back as you always do.” No matter what, you’d always worry for him. Nothing was going to make that lessen.

“Of course I will,” he chuckled, bringing you close so he could kiss your lips in a loving way. “I have you and that little girl of ours to come back to. I have a reason to fight hard no matter what.”

Knowing that he would have to board soon, you rested your forehead against his chest with a heavy sigh. “I love you, (H/N),” you whispered pathetically as your heart hurt at the idea of being without your light for two weeks.

“And I love you, (Y/N),” he said softly in return with a kiss upon your head. Hearing his crewmates calling to him, you felt him reluctantly part from you. “Remember: two weeks!”

All you could do was nod with a weak smile to his words. Arms picking up where his left off by embracing yourself, you watched him take to The Fissure as he waved to you from just behind the railing of the brig. Waving back in return, you blew him a kiss before turning on your heels to return home for the day in hopes that spending time with your daughter would ease your worries.

You had taken (C/N) outside for a bit to let her catch some fresh air with you as you looked to getting some crafting supplies for the lonely nights ahead. Buying up some fabrics you could afford, you figured replenishing some thread wouldn’t be a bad idea either. As you were occupied with your shopping, your daughter tugged on your dress eagerly.

“Mommy; mommy! It’s the funny talking man!” she said excitedly, pointing just down the road from where you were exiting the shop.

“What do you mean ‘funny talking man’?” you asked curiously with a chuckle before your eyes came upon the hooded Irishman you remembered from nights ago. Shay Cormac was very much there in the crowd talking to some other man and walking about like he didn’t take a bad hit to himself a few weeks ago. You were inwardly relieved that he was alright in the end, though you wanted to be a bit cocky about his quick leave of your house all the same if given the chance. But, you figured if the opportunity would present itself, you’d allow it. Otherwise, you’d just let it be.

But then there was your daughter…you could always count on her to make a scene without really meaning to.

“Hey!” (C/N) called out excitedly, hurrying towards him through the crowd. “Hey, hey!” She obviously hadn’t remembered Shay’s name, but that didn’t really come to mind as quickly as the thought she could get hurt just running off like that.

“(C/N)! Get back here, please!” you demanded more than pleaded as you hiked up your dress and hurried after her.

She was quick, and that was to be expected with one her size, but you felt horror knock the wind from you as a few men on horseback were heading right for her at a quick pace. The hooves of those creatures could easily kill her if the riders didn’t bother to watch where they were going (and they usually never did when in a hurry).

“(C/N)!” you screamed, hoping to make her stop for a moment as you tried to push your way past the crowd to reach her before danger did.

Hearing that name was enough to make Shay look in your direction and see the problem. You saw him react without a second to spare. Seeing Shay heading for her, it stopped your daughter in her tracks—right in front of those horsemen. You were so numb that you forgot what happened. Maybe you screamed a horrified ‘no’, but you couldn’t remember. She was just standing there with her doll clasped to her chest, and in those slow, agonizing seconds, Shay managed to snatch her up and run out of the way of the guards barreling through on horseback.

“Oh God…!” you screamed, grabbing up your dress and hurrying to your daughter eagerly once more to where Shay stood protectively of her.

“Are you alright?” you heard Shay ask (C/N) curiously. He was kneeling in front of her with his hands on her shoulders.

All you could see was your daughter nodding as she remained locked onto Shay with interest.

“Oh my God!” you practically cried, your entire body wanting to just collapse under the weight of the worry that had you in its grip. “(C/N)! Are you alright!” Finally falling to your knees, you grabbed at your daughter’s hands trying to get her to look at you.

“Y-Yes,” she whispered, knowing in your voice that you were very upset. The tears were no doubt aiding in that realization.

“Don’t you EVER run off like that again; you hear me!” You weren’t aware your grip was probably painful, but the idea you could lose your child was frightening, and you’d be damned if anything dared try.

Your daughter was starting to cry herself as she embraced her doll tightly to her chest to try and hide behind it as though it were a shield to your words and actions. She knew she did wrong, but that wouldn’t make you stop stressing your worry all the same. “I’m sorry…” she hiccupped with a small whine.

Sighing in relief, you brought (C/N) close to you in a tight hug before looking over her shoulder at her savior. “Thank you,” you whispered to him, tears blurring your vision as you showed your appreciation to the man who was patient to wait for you to acknowledge him. “I don’t know how else to express my thanks beyond saying it…I wish I knew how to repay you…”

Shay laughed briefly. “You already did before.” Here, he took to his feet with a grunt as he did so. “I’d say we’re even.”

“Please,” you insisted, taking your child to your arms as you hefted her up and off of the ground so she couldn’t escape again. “Let me at least make something for you to eat to show it better?”

The hooded man hesitated as he looked over his shoulder at the other man he was speaking to. Humming in thought, he nodded at the offer. “Perhaps,” he said simply. “I can come by tonight, but I have things to do first.” When you didn’t respond right away, he raised his brow curiously. “Is that alright?”

“It’s just fine,” you admitted, drying your tears with your fingers. “I thank you, Shay.”

His hand to your shoulder, he nodded with a smile before hurrying on his way through the crowd to make it to where he was eager to go.

 

You made sure your daughter took to a nap when you both got home. She was upset still, and the early start to every morning was usually hard on her growing body, so you figured her lying down for a spell would do her good. As you focused on the soup you were making, you heard a knock at the door and pulled from the making of dinner for the time being to answer it as it was probably Shay.

“Coming!” you called, wiping your hands clean on your apron before opening the door to see Shay standing there as you expected. “Shay! Come in; come in,” you insisted, stepping aside to allow him in.

Shay nodded to you before taking a step into your house with a curious raise of his brow. Seemed he noticed a different atmosphere than before. “Where is your husband and the little one?”

“(C/N) is down for a nap right now,” you answered, making your way back down the hall to head towards the kitchen. “The husband is away for two weeks.” Making it back to the fire and the pot hanging over it, you stirred the vegetable soup a bit more before explaining where (H/N) had gone. “He is a crewmember upon the brig The Fissure, so he sets sail from time to time.”

“Is he?” Shay probed, standing beside the wooden dining table. “I am a captain myself when it comes to my vessel The Morrigan.”

“A captain as well as a strange man of the night,” you teased, looking to him with a smirk accompanying your lips. “There is so little of you I know, it seems.”

“The less you know the better, (Y/N),” Shay said playfully, but his voice and actions would suggest there was some truth in that all the same.

“Anyways,” you began with a small laugh, pulling the soup from the fire in the process, “sometimes he’s merely gone for a few days and comes back with pelts, meats, and other things for us to continue living as we do, but I do worry for his life all the same.” Letting the hot meal sit, you brought the wooden spoon to your lips to try and have a taste to make sure it was right for eating. 

“Of course,” said Shay with a shrug at that knowledge, moving to lean against one of the wooden chairs with his arms crossed over the headrest of it. “To not worry over someone you love is a bit inhuman, to say the least.”

“It is ready,” you commented in regards to the meal. “I just need to go fetch (C/N) now.”

“Did you need me to do anything?” asked Shay with a curious look to you over his shoulder when you had wandered past him.

“No, I’ve got it under control, but I appreciate that though, Shay,” you answered in return with a quick motion of your hand and hurried to wake your daughter from her nap.

With your daughter up from her rest and the table set shortly after, you served what you had managed to make for dinner. “Thank you again, Shay,” you said at the table, not able to forget what he had done for you. You could have lost your only child, and that thought still haunted you. “I know I’ve said it more than enough times, but I can’t help myself.”

Shay smirked, stirring the soup before he looked to you and then your daughter. “It is not in my nature to let harm come to the innocent.”

“So that man you attacked that night was a bad man?” (C/N) asked curiously. There was no end to a child’s curiosity about how the world worked, so you knew trying to ask her to not inquire about such things would be impossible.

The words seemed to stump Shay, as he struggled to think of a correct way to put it. “It’s a bit more complicated than that, (C/N).”

Still, she persisted on trying to find an answer she’d be satisfied with. “What do you mean?”

Shay stifled a laugh at her. “I’ll tell you when you’re older if I am still breathing. How does that sound?”

“Eat your soup, (C/N),” you asked of your daughter to try and get her mouth busy in another way and stop asking such questions Shay didn’t feel comfortable being outright about.

When the dinner was finished, you let (C/N) continue with burning out her energy while you talked to Shay about any and everything. He regaled you about stories of his time out at sea and his childhood. As he continued his stories, you found the candles burning thin and your daughter fast asleep upon your lap.

“Your little one fell asleep there,” Shay pointed out, taking another long drink of the whiskey you had offered him earlier. Seems he was trying to be quick about drinking it all before leaving.

“A good thing,” you admitted with a weary voice as well. Admittedly, you too were exhausted, but you were doing your best not to show it with company nearby. “Without her father here, I am not sure how I’d put her to sleep otherwise.” You stifled a yawn that snuck up on you against your palm. “(H/N) usually puts her to sleep with bedtime stories he makes up. He is better at that than I.”

Shay raised his brow as if to say ‘I see’. “Has she heard Irish folklore before?”

“She finds your accent ‘funny’,” you reminded him with an obvious smile and a laugh barricaded behind your lips. “What do you think?”

The hooded man chortled as he fondled with the whiskey bottle in his possession. “If you ever need me to, and I’m around, I can easily tell her those to make her sleep.” He took one final, last drink before putting the bottle to rest on the table nearby. “It is late, and I should be going, (Y/N).”

“Thank you for coming, Shay,” you whispered so as not to rouse your sleeping daughter.

He waved away the thought with a smirk. “It was a pleasure, (Y/N). Thank you for the invitation.” Pointing down at (C/N), he asked: “Did you need help with putting her to sleep? You look quite tired yourself.”

You gently waved the thought away with a smile. “The ‘delight’ of being a mother is that you’re used to being tired while helping others.” Your fingers casually caressed (C/N)’s hair as you said such a thing. “But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I promise, I’ll be fine, Shay.” 

Shay nodded with a smile. “Good evening to you both. May the next time we meet not be as adventurous as the last two.”

And with that said, Shay took his leave and allowed you to take your daughter and yourself to bed.

\--

Shay did come about your part of New York now and again, but the visits were sporadic. Again and again, he would refuse to tell you his line of work and merely passed it off with the thoughts of being at sea on The Morrigan. You were a mother…you knew all too well when someone was lying at times, and Shay was becoming more and more transparent every time he visited. However, you assumed he was just dismissing the honesty of what he was doing to spare you the grip of worry, so you accepted the gentle white lies all the same.

One night you found yourself still awake and patching together a quilt for your daughter as the other one was starting to outgrow her. The nights were colder, and you’d be damned if you’d allow that innocent child to suffer the cold embrace of New York’s nights. As you did so, you heard a knock at the door and found it odd given the late hour of the day.

To your feet, you hurried to the door wondering who it could be. As you opened it slowly, you found yourself a bit overcome with nervousness as you recognized the two men standing there with their tricornes moved to their chests. They were part of the brig The Fissure…so…where was your husband and why was he not standing there?

“May I help you gentlemen…?” you asked nervously, not wanting to know their answer as their stance alone brought a bad feeling over you.

“Sorry to disturb you, (Y/N),” began one of them seriously. “But we’ve come to bring you ill news of your husband…”

Your grip on the door tightened and your heart felt as though it were being squeezed tightly to the point air was knocked from you. “Wh-What do you mean? Where is my husband?” you asked eagerly, tears threatening to blind you.

“We’re sorry, madam,” said the other quickly. “But there was nothing we could do—.”

“No, no!” you demanded sorrowfully knowing exactly now where it was going. “Don’t you tell me this! Don’t you give me this news!” Legs threatening to give out, you leaned against the door for support as the tears cascaded down your cheeks.

“—There were a lot of them,” insisted the other crewmember, trying to get the news to you quickly, but it was hard for them to even speak of it. “He fought valiantly to come back, but—.”

“Where is my husband!” you demanded to know, your voice shaking with both sorrow and anger as you wanted this to be some cruel joke. “Tell me where he is!”

“He is dead, (Y/N),” one of the messengers finally said, offering you the uniform your husband once wore proudly only to see it now ripped from the horrible wound that some man put into his chest. 

Taking the neatly folded fabric to your heaving chest, you screamed in the dead of night. He was gone…actually gone….and you’d never see him again. All you had now were memories and a few gifts he had given you in your times together.

“We’re sorry,” one of the men apologized. “He was—.”

“Get out of here…” you demanded, too emotionally exhausted to scream your demand, but when they refused to move, you found the vigor. “GET OUT!” You didn’t care how heartless you looked to snap at messengers who were trying to show you empathy. These men just brought your worst fears to life with their message, and you needed to be alone.

When they refused, you stepped back into your house and slammed the door behind you—left to your tears and the uniform your husband once wore that still smelled of him when you held it close to your chest and buried your face within it. Your tears dampening the fabric, you shook uncontrollably from the pain stabbing at your aching heart. One of the best men in your life was gone…taking cruelly by some man in an eagerness for…who the hell knew what, but it didn’t excuse such a horrible act.

(H/N) was a good man…a husband…and a father…

A father…you had to tell your very daughter that her father wasn’t going to be coming home. How was this going to be easy? You could hardly even find your feet to do so. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me…” you whispered, body quivering from the emotional turmoil that was bestowed upon it.

It would be awhile yet until you found the courage to go to (C/N)’s room, but the night was young, so it wasn’t something you had to rush. Still…as you stood in the doorway, you found sorrow attempting to make you weak again. She didn’t deserve this news…she didn’t deserve to lose her father at such a young age. Why had such an ill fate been bestowed upon you both?

Biting your lower lip, you stilled its quivering as you moved over to her bed to shake her gently awake. “(C/N)? Can you wake up for me, please…?” you asked, whispering close to her ear to try and rouse her.

Seeing your child open her eyes and look to you, you did your best to not just breakdown right then and there again as you cradled the back of her head with your palm. “Mamma?” she whispered, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “Why are you sad?”

“Sweetheart,” you began reluctantly, “I have something to tell you…about daddy…” She was paying attention to you, and that made your nerve weaken all the more. “Daddy is not going to be coming home…”

“Why?” she asked innocently, not understanding what could possibly have happened.

You swallowed hard to try and keep the heaping sobs out of this conversation, but it was a challenge all the same and nearly made you sick to your stomach. “He’s, umm…he’s…gone, (C/N),” you said gently. Tears finding their way down your cheeks once more, you tried to hide them behind the handkerchief you had gotten yourself earlier to dry your eyes. “He won’t be coming home…ever, sweetheart.”

She was quiet. A child that young wasn’t sure what to make of it. Perhaps she merely saw this as a dream and didn’t think to? “So God has him now…?”

That question alone was enough to make you suddenly break down again as you nodded slowly, your face in pain from the sorrow expressed upon it so. “Yes, he’s with God now, sweetheart.”

“Then…we’ll see him again…won’t we?” she continued, probably not fully understanding he was never coming back. “Daddy’s not gone forever.”

There wasn’t much more you could say about it. Holding her tightly, you managed to smile all the same at the pleasant ideas of one so young. If only you could dismiss it as such…that once you died you’d see him again, but you were unsure. If there was a God…why was he this cruel to you and your daughter…?

\--

You took pleasure in holding onto that ruined uniform and sleeping with it close by as the fabric still reminded you of him and kept you reassured that things would be alright. For awhile, it was hard to even get out of bed in the morning, and it was up to your daughter to aid you in doing so. Without your husband to assist you in making money, it was going to be up to you…and this worried you, as you didn’t really have anything to sell or make a decent profit with. The idea of prostitution crossed your mind, but you tried to be done with that thought…you couldn’t do such a thing for money unless it got really bad.

After such news was brought to you, you didn’t see Shay for sometime yet. He had become absent even when it came to you looking eagerly for his face in the crowd, as you wanted someone to hold onto…someone to tell your hardships to that would understand.

The pub…you found yourself passing by it one evening when out shopping for food, and the temptation to just lose yourself into alcohol was gnawing at every fiber of your being. Your daughter was in the care of your mother as you just needed to be alone for a time. You were so tired of snapping at her by accident and seeing her cry over how broken you were becoming under the pressure of your own emotions. You had to get her out of your presence until you became better. While this step wouldn’t help…you had to at least have one drink as you lacked it at home. 

You found yourself in the company of the pub soon enough with five drinks being downed to the point you nearly lost yourself completely with how drunk and disorienting everything was soon becoming. The music was almost becoming louder than usual for you and the slightest sound of a mug clanking to another nearly made you want to scream. I have to get home, were your inner thoughts as you stumbled to your feet and made your way out the door with a hiss of displeasure at the unwelcoming sensation of being drunk.

It felt like the road underneath you was trying to trip you up every step of the way—making you take to leaning against the buildings as you tried to continue onwards. You regretted your decision as it was then, more than ever, you wanted your husband to embrace you and tell you everything would be alright. Someone was calling out to you, but your head was spinning too much to even take in the idea to stop and find out who was. Hand to your head, you hissed in displeasure. Apparently being drunk wasn’t for you.

A gloved hand coming into your view as it took your own from your forehead, you heard a distant voice in the back of your drunken stupor. “Hey! (Y/N)! Are you alright?”

Your head was so heavy, you could hardly lift it or turn it around to look at your benefactor—who you could feel the leather attire of against your body soon enough. From what you could make out, the man was wearing decorative clothes—the leather was quite lovely and the reds and golds upon it accentuated it all the more. Cheek pressed against the man’s chest, you tried to find relief in his embrace, but the desire to vomit forced you from the man’s hold and made you lose your liquor there on the cold, hard ground.

Strong hands held you tightly to try and prevent you from smashing into the ground as well. The entire night was becoming one big nightmare…a big, disorienting nightmare. Whoever had you in his grasp was intent to keep you there, but you thought nothing of it as you were too drunk to.

“Let’s get you home…” said the voice again in the back of your mind before you passed out.

 

Your head was pounding by the time you came back around to yourself. Unsure of what the time was, you felt embarrassment crawl over you at what you realized you had done earlier in your horribly drunken state.

“You’re awake,” came a familiar voice from your bedside.

Turning your head slowly, you squinted in the candlelit room to notice it was Shay…a much…different looking Shay. He was wearing the leather outfit you remembered on and off in your drunken state, and seeing it more clearly now, you noticed the Templar symbol upon the chest and shoulders indicating his standing with the local Templars. His hair pulled back into a ponytail and face mostly shaven (and sporting a scar over his right eye you didn’t remember before), he looked more mature than before somehow.

“You were quite the mess last night, (Y/N),” Shay continued, worried as he spoke. Perhaps he noticed the house was empty. You weren’t sure as of yet. “What drove you to drink as much as that?”

“My head is killing me…” you whispered, palm upon your throbbing headache with a hiss to follow.

Shay moved from where he was sitting to grab the water resting there and offer it to you. “Best cure for it is to just ride it out in bed with water and make sure this is what you enjoy next time you overdo it like this.”

Taking the glass from him, you thanked him before drinking it down quickly. You’d do anything at this point to just go back in time and stop yourself from making such a foolish decision. “I am sorry you…had to see all of that…” you apologized, flinching from another powerful pounding assaulting your head.

“What caused it, may I ask?” Shay sounded concerned more than ever. Perhaps he knew all too well what being drunk usually meant and that was why he was.

You closed your eyes tightly at the other pain that was welling up in your chest now. “My umm…my husband died…a few weeks ago, Shay…” you came right out to say, not wanting to tap dance around the subject.

Shay’s face wrinkled in sorrow at the news. “I’m sorry.” His response was quick, as he felt bad for prying and opening such a wound. He shifted his eyes about the room curiously. “And the little one?”

“With her grandmother,” you answered, reclining back against the headrest of the bed. You would lie down, but with the pain hurting you, it would be nearly impossible. Thinking back on what caused this nightmare, you sniffled at the sadness creeping up on you ever so slowly. “I just…I’ve not been able to keep it together since…I had to get (C/N) away from me for a few days, so I could try…”

“Is there anything I can do?” Shay asked, his arms resting upon his thighs as he leaned forwards.

You looked to him pitifully with a shake of your head—face breaking under the pressure of sadness once more. “Can you bring back the dead…?” Your voice was weak and almost a whisper as you knew such a thing would be impossible for a man as him.

Apparently that question hurt Shay more than you thought it would for some reason. He almost recoiled as, he too, closed his eyes tightly and you heard the stretching sound of leather as he tightened his gloved hands into fists of remorse for something. “No…but I would gladly if I knew how.”

Nodding (no matter how much it hurt to do so), you laughed bitterly. “I know you would, because you’re a good man…”

Shay didn’t show appreciation in that comment. If anything, he seemed haunted by it. Looking back at you, he moved closer to give you the hug you really needed and had been looking for. Being in his embrace just caused your foundation of meager strength to crack, and you started wailing again over the loss of your loved one.

“I can’t believe he’s gone…” you sobbed, hands gripping onto Shay tightly for support. “Why…God, why…!”

The Irishman didn’t answer. He had no answer. His embrace merely tightened to let you know he was there and sympathetic to your inner pain.

\--

What used to be visits once in awhile, Shay started to show up more frequently. When you expressed you had so much to do and little money at times, he would offer some of his earnings to you. Normally, you would decline the money, but you had a child to think of, and you weren’t going to let (C/N) suffer anymore. If she lost you, there would be nobody left unless Shay were to take her…you could only hope if that were ever the case.

As you went about cleaning the house one day, you heard a knock at the door that took your daughter from helping you and hurrying to answer it. She could barely reach the door’s handle, but upon succeeding and opening it all the way, (C/N) smiled brightly at the sight of Shay standing there.

“Mamma, it’s Shay!” she called just down to where you were (even though you could clearly see who it was from where you were on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor).

Bending down, Shay picked up (C/N) in his arms and positioned her on his hip before closing the door behind him. “Hello there, little one.” He leaned in close to her as if to whisper. “I am sure your ma can see me though. There’s no need to go yelling like that.” He was merely teasing her, and it made you smile as you took to your feet slowly to go and greet him. 

Shay had been gone for a week, as he had been out at sea on The Morrigan for a mission he refused to speak of when regarding his standing with the Templars. In the end, you were just glad he was back in one piece.

(C/N) grabbed at his intricate coat and tried to get him to talk to her. “What did you bring me?”

Shay mocked an offended look. “Is that all I get, then?” he asked teasingly. “Not even so much as a ‘hi’ from you, love?”

“Not with children most times,” you chuckled, wiping your hands on your apron to be rid of the water upon them.

“Hi!” (C/N) came right out to quickly say with a smile still unwavering from her innocent face. “What did you get me!”

Shay raised his brow as if to think things over. “Well, now that you’ve been so kind,” he chuckled, fixing her upon him once more so he could pull a children’s book from his coat to give to her. “A book of stories from Sleepy Hollow.” You watched as (C/N) grabbed at it eagerly to flip through the pages that were colorful as well as full of words she probably wouldn’t understand. “I’ll read some of it to you before bed tonight.” Sparing her a kiss upon her cheek, Shay put her down to let her marvel at the bright and colorful paintings in the book before coming to you to embrace you tightly as he knew you were still doing your best to get through your loss.

The hug was welcomed. You could hug your daughter all you wanted, but the hug was hardly one of understanding that Shay could give. He had become your only support in your slow climb back to the top. (C/N) Could be your strength in other ways, and you always appreciated what that child could do without trying, but there would always be something different with someone older and more understanding.

“And how are you?” Shay asked, hand to your shoulder firmly to let you know he was listening.

“I am fine, Shay; thank you,” you whispered, nodding over your shoulder. “I’ll be working on dinner soon, if you can stay? I just need to finish cleaning the floor.”

“I just docked, so I am more than fine to stay, (Y/N),” he insisted with a smile to follow. “I can help with dinner since you’ve been on your hands and knees all day.”

Honestly, you didn’t argue the idea. Depression still had a firm hold on you with your loss, and you could hide behind a smile all you wanted to, but that didn’t mean you were fine to do everything yourself. 

Dinner went as usual—it was getting less and less quieter at the table, at least, and that made you inwardly smile a bit. It was nice to feel life coming back to the house with Shay’s presence. When dinner was over, you took to cleaning up everything as Shay aided in bathing (C/N) and then putting her down for bed. You had just finished cleaning when you took to a cup of tea for the night. Hearing Shay at the doorway of the kitchen, you looked over at him with a smile.

“Care for tea?” you asked. You had banned liquor from your house in worry of falling victim to it again.

“I’m fine, (Y/N),” Shay said with a small wave of his hand at the thought. “Thank you, though.”

After finishing making your own tea, you took to the living room to sit before the fire with Shay close to you. Again and again you could say it: it was just nice to have someone there who understood. A part of you would find it impossible to be without it.

“Did she like the stories?” you asked in regards to your daughter, taking a sip of your drink with a look over the rim of the cup.

“Seems so,” Shay answered with a chuckle. “She lasted through three of them, so that was quite impressive.” Silence came between you both. Only the fire crackling added any sort of ambiance to the atmosphere until Shay finally spoke again. “How are you doing, (Y/N)?” His brow was creased in concern. “Be honest with me now.”

You raised your temple slowly to substitute for a shrug as you pulled the rim of the teacup from your mouth. “Some days are better than others,” you answered honestly, relaxing against the sofa with a heavy sigh. “I, umm…I put away his uniform finally…put it away in the drawer so I don’t have to torture myself with it.”

“You know it is fine to hold onto his memory so long as it doesn’t consume you,” Shay reminded you tenderly, reaching across to rest his hand reassuringly on your leg.

For some reason, him doing so made you blush, but you tried your best to not show it. “I know, but…it does consume me so…” Moving a free hand to his upon your leg, you held his tightly, and he reciprocated. “I need to make sure I come to terms with this before I hold onto his most precious mementoes again.”

“May I ask something of you, (Y/N)?” Shay questioned, his hand squeezing yours again for a brief moment.

“What is it?” you asked, interested to know what this man would ask of you given all he had done for you so far. Honestly, you would gladly do anything for him at this point.

“You and (C/N) are not doing well living here alone,” he whispered to you honestly. “Why don’t you both come and live with me at Fort Arsenal?”

You opened your mouth to disagree at that thought, but Shay quickly stopped you.

“It will be easy on us all, (Y/N),” Shay continued in his defense. “You will be right there for me when I come to port, and I don’t have to fret over what is going on with you both when I am not around.”

A smile slowly crept upon your lips. “You worry about us, eh?”

It was Shay’s turn to blush as he widened his eyes at your playful words. “Well, I…why wouldn’t I be?” he asked, looking off to the side before closing his eyes tightly as if to beg for courage somewhere and then turning back to you. “Well, yes…I care for you both a lot.”

Your back straightened and you looked to Shay with a curious twinkle in your eye. You wanted to know where that confession was going, so you didn’t say anything.

“I am not going to say much more than that,” he chuckled, as he could tell you were waiting for more. “Perhaps in time—when I feel it’s right to ask—I will, but not now.” He moved his fingers gently to your cheek to caress you there as a hint of what was boiling in his heart, and a broken smile crept upon your lips at the thought he was willing to try and take (H/N)’s spot in your heart. “For now, I just want you both safe.”

You put the teacup down on the nearby table before moving to his arms once more to hug him tightly. It was a ‘thank you’ hug all the same. Even if you couldn’t bring yourself to mend your broken heart with this man’s love just yet, you appreciated he was willing to do his best to heal it all the same. “I’ll consider it, Shay,” you whispered, voice shaken from emotions. “Perhaps, when I’ve healed enough, I’ll be able to take the step you want me to.”

His gloved hand to your cheek to try and be rid of your tears, you held it there tightly as you didn’t desire to be without his comfort for anything in the world. “I can wait,” he reminded you. “Take as long as you need, and know that I am here for you…”

Again, all you could do was thank him. Perhaps this man would be your salvation yet, but, honestly, only time would tell.


	2. The Healing Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [RQ from multiple—thank you lovely for the kind comments on it!]: Sequel to the Irish Father as asked by some on DA and Tumblr where it picks up with the widowed mother reader lives with Shay at Fort Arsenal, and her attempts to get over the death of her husband still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, and as far as I am aware, this is the final chapter unless more is asked. :) This will have an NSFW/NC-17 part in it further down. Be warned~! If you want to input husband/reader/child name without problems, check it out on my tumblr: http://blindgeishateahouse.tumblr.com/

Nightmares still found you in the cold embrace of night even months after the death of your husband. You were good about waking up with a meek gasp of fright so as not to startle C/N in the opposite room, and the night was generous in hiding your tears, but the painful reminder of your loss was the most suffocating punishment that could be inflicted upon you. You had tried to let your daughter sleep beside you during the harsh and lonely hours of sleeps, but you began to worry there would be a night she would catch you in your emotionally weakened state and allowed her back to her own bedroom overtime.

You knew you weren’t unbreakable; you knew that you would crumble now and again, but it seemed C/N suffered the most from it all whenever she saw your tears, and you weren’t going to let her feel anymore pain after the loss of her father and then the near loss of her own mother being a reckless fool after you nearly drowned in your own sorrow.

 Wiping the silent sadness from your eyes, you sat upright in your bed. Even if you knew it would only prove your nightmare’s truth, you looked to the empty spot there beside you on the bedcovers to heave a heartbroken sigh that H/N was indeed gone. Moving your palm over the lifeless spot that had grown so cold with his absence, you felt your lower lip tremble again and a shaking gasp was provoked no thanks to the pain, which wouldn’t be suppressed any longer.

You couldn’t be bothered to remain in bed much longer. It was still late judging from how high the moon proudly shined in the blanket of stars, so you took a moment to venture quietly about the house by yourself. A handmade quilt wrapped about you to keep the cold at bay, you found yourself venturing from room to room, and the heaviness in your heart only grew heavier upon each step.

Memories of the past continued to play out with how you and H/N used to spend your time in each room and all of his loving and uplifting words to you and C/N made you cringe and even break down in the living room at one point. “I can’t…I just can’t…” you found yourself whispering in defeat as your knees found the floor soon enough.

Hand to your quivering mouth, you shook your head again and again. The house was not as welcoming and warm as it used to be. It started to feel like a tomb overtime, and the desire to leave was becoming more severe. You knew you shouldn’t be ashamed of your past memories with H/N, but the loss of a man you knew most your life was too much for you.

You couldn’t heal…not drowning in his memories of him.

When you were able to find your feet, you sniffled back your sadness as you reminded yourself of Shay’s offer those many weeks ago. Groping about in the darkness, you came across a candlestick and a lit the cotton tip to add fire to the lightless room without bothering with the hearth, as you didn’t desire to wake C/N. It was there you were able to find your quill and a piece of parchment at your husband’s old writing station not far away, and you took a seat without a second thought.

Placing the candlestick down and out of the way—just enough to give yourself some light—you sighed heavily all the same. To actually take Shay’s offer to head to Fort Arsenal to live with him and move out of this house…it felt like you were running from your husband’s memory. And it wasn’t just his home the Templar was offering but…his heart as well. The thought made your own weaken and your fingers curl into a fist as if challenged by the idea.

“ _I can wait_ ,” you remembered Shay reminding you, as he was wiping your tears away those many weeks ago. “ _Take as long as you need, and know that I am here for you…_ ”

Tears falling once more, you lowered your head in defeat. You just couldn’t do this anymore…you couldn’t allow the cold, unwelcoming embrace of sorrow and loneliness take hold of you again. The last time it did, you nearly drank yourself to death, and C/N nearly lost her mother had it not been for Shay. “The love part can wait,” you whispered to yourself as a reminder and, after wetting the tip of the quill in ink, you began to write a letter to be delivered to Shay, as you knew he was out of town for a bit no thanks to a Templar’s errand.

 

\--

 

You had the letter to be delivered to Fort Arsenal early next morning before bothering to make yourself and C/N a quick something to eat for breakfast. It wasn’t much of a breakfast as you were running low on food items, it seemed, and money as well. _Only enough food for C/N, really_ , you thought to yourself as you put together a bit of bread and a bit of salt and cheese. “It will have to do,” you whispered, pushing the plate over to your daughter after it was prepared.

C/N looked at it with slight interest before noticing you weren’t going to bother with food and were merely taking to a bit of water. “What are you going to eat?” she asked innocently, breaking apart her bread to start eating it slowly as she knew the food had to last given the sudden poor status prompted upon you both with the loss of her father.

You offered a weary smile and shook your head. “Nothing for now, C/N,” you answered honestly. “Perhaps later I will eat something.”

“Daddy always said that sometimes,” C/N reminded you, causing you to flinch at the memory she had uprooted. “He let us eat and then he would wait for dinner.” She sucked on her fingers for a moment while looking to your heavy eyes. “But he always said we should eat. We were important to him.”

Sniffling slightly and moving your hand quickly to your eyes, which were growing heavy with tears, you rid yourself of the obvious pain before your daughter and smiled brokenly. “Yes, he did always say that, sweetheart, but…daddy’s not here anymore, so I have to try and be daddy for a bit….” You hated to have to remind her of the fact, but you did so with a heavy heart.

“I know,” C/N answered softly, looking back at the bread to continue picking away at it. Fingers in her mouth, her curious gaze caught you once more. “Do you miss him…?”

“Of course I do, C/N…!” you almost hissed, moving your head to your palm and avoiding her innocent questions best you could by looking into your lap where you were gripping the fabric of your dress tightly with your other hand. Opening your mouth to add more to it, you resisted and merely bit your trembling lip. You wanted to tell her that it was all unfair how this play acted out…how you lost the man you loved more than life itself and how possibly, in a few years, she would forget all about her own father, but you knew this wasn’t for your daughter’s ears—these sort of words were better left for Shay.

“I miss him too,” C/N answered in a timid way to show she was equally hurting.

When you found the courage to gaze upon C/N again, you hid your broken smile behind your palm. “Finish your food,” you said, words shaking under the memory of your deceased husband. When you found you had the strength to take a few more sips of water, you did so. After all of this talk about H/N, you couldn’t help but remember Shay once more and it was there you felt now would be a good time to ask C/N her feelings on the matter. “C/N?” you began, clearing your throat in attempts to be rid of the grief in your tone. “How do you feel about Shay?”

For once that morning, her face seemed to light up. “He is very nice,” C/N answered, finally working on her cheese next. “He reads me bedtime stories when he is here.”

“I know he does,” you answered with relief and love at that thought swelling in your heart; prompting a smile to etch upon your broken features finally. Moving your hand from your forehead, you gripped onto your glass of water to think on how to phrase things without really ‘dropping the bomb’ so to say. “How would you, uh…how would you feel about moving in with him at his house?”

C/N digested the information as she swallowed a piece of cheese she was chewing on. “So….we won’t live here anymore?”

You reluctantly shook your head. “Sadly, no, C/N.” Admittedly, you wanted to be honest—you wanted to explain to your daughter that the memories were too difficult to handle anymore, but you knew, yet again, that was better left for Shay. “C/N, we can’t really make it on our own. Shay has been really wonderful in granting us money from his travels and skins, and meats that he gets when hunting, and it is just easier for him to take care of us if we move in with him.”

She was silent, and her expression was hard to read.

“Do you want to do that?” you finally probed, raising a thin brow to your quiet child. “Do you want to move to Fort Arsenal?”

C/N ended up with her fingers in her mouth again (something you noticed she would do now and again when thinking) as she looked about the kitchen as if expecting there to be some answer around her. “He’s been gone though,” she finally spoke, removing her fingers to do so.

You scrunched up your nose slightly. “Only for a bit, C/N,” you answered sweetly, trying to remain indifferent on the situation best you could. “He left on his ship, the Morrigan, for work. He should be back tomorrow, I am sure.”

“So we will leave then?”

“I don’t know, C/N,” you responded, sighing out your frustrations. You had to remind yourself she was young and it was hard to get a straight answer from her sometimes. “But I am asking you, sweetheart: would you like to move in with him?”

“Would you not be sad if we do?”

The question took you by surprise, and you found yourself jerking back slightly from the response. Honestly, you shouldn’t be **_that_** surprised…C/N was observant and had been good at catching you when you were crying or at your lowest. “M-Maybe,” you stuttered, as you weren’t sure whether or not you truly would be in the end. “Sweetie, I don’t know…”

C/N was quiet again, and her fingers found their way back into her mouth again as she thought it over. “I will go with you, mommy,” she finally answered, and you found yourself sighing out relief.

Honestly, if you had to stay in that house another day, you may find yourself going insane, but you had to—as Shay probably wouldn’t be back by tomorrow. “Thank you, C/N,” you praised, taking to the empty plate and nodding to the doorway. “I need to go to the market in a bit. Can you get your clothes out by yourself? Mommy has to clean up the kitchen some, but I will be there to help you change in a moment.”

C/N nodded and jumped down from the chair to do as she was told. Alone with your thoughts, you recoiled at the pain that had been nipping away at you all through that conversation. A soft gasp of sorrow escaping your lips, you brought the back of your hand to your mouth to still the sadness. “Why,” you whispered mournfully, “…Why did you have to leave us, H/N?”

 

 

 

The trip to the market was a short one. You were low on money and had nothing really of value to trade in return for food or new blankets. Food would have to be the main thought, and so that was what you focused on. You just needed enough to get through that day and the next. With your pocket empty, you nasally sighed in worry. _I do hope you come home tomorrow, Shay_ , you thought to yourself as you ventured home for the day.

Because you only had water, you were starting to feel a bit faint from not having eaten anything, but you did your best to ignore it as you soon found comfort within your house.

The day continued as usual. You sat and continued making your quilt you had been working on for weeks while C/N played with her dolls. When you felt the time was right to put her to bed after dinner, you did so with a single candle to light the empty hallways.

With your daughter in bed, the house felt even more lifeless and you sighed to yourself. “I suppose sleep might be best right now,” you said to yourself. You still had cleaning to do, but you figured to wait on the idea with how much of a struggle it was just to get out of bed every day. As you were about to at least put away the quilting materials you were using earlier, you heard a knock at the door that prompted you from the task.

A knot in your stomach, you felt a bit anxious heading to the front entrance as you weren’t sure who that could be at this late hour. Shielding the cold, rogue winds from the flame you coveted, you made it to the door with nervousness slowing your steps. “Who is it…?” you asked.

“Y/N,” began a familiar voice, muffled by the door’s presence, “it is me, Shay.”

He hardly had to finish for you to quickly open the door for him. “Sh-Shay!” you whispered in excitement, stepping to the side to allow him in as the nights were horribly cold this time of year. “You are back so early…! Is everything alright?”

“Aye,” he answered, shutting the door behind himself and taking your hand without question. “Things went well, so I found myself back at New York.” His brow wrinkled in concern. “I got your letter; are you…alright?”

Having his hand within yours, you found yourself surrendering to your misery once more. Face wrinkled in obvious, indescribable inner pain, you shook your head at his words. “No…” you answered, voice quivering and gasping as your body began to heave from the distress, which gripped you tightly so.

Shay reacted without question. Urging you into his embrace, he cradled the back of your head after he aided you in putting away the candlestick.

His embrace was warm and inviting. The smell of the gunpowder and the sea upon his Templar attire was oddly relaxing you as you gripped upon his upper back tightly as if worried he may slip from your fingers any second. “I can’t do this anymore, Shay…I can’t…!” The words wouldn’t stop at this point. You had waited, what felt like weeks, to confess your sadness to someone, and now you finally had Shay to do that to. “Every room reminds me of H/N…even looking at my own daughter does, and it just makes everything so damn hard…!” You felt Shay’s embrace tighten reassuringly. “God, C/N is not even going to remember him! Why did any of this have to happen!” you exclaimed between the both of you, prompting Shay to shush your words to a lower whisper.

Shay’s hand moved to your hair, and he caressed you there tenderly to try and settle your heart. “I know it is hard, Y/N,” he said softly in return. “You shouldn’t be living here alone like this. The loss is drowning you, it seems.”

“I am not truly alone,” you reminded Shay, pulling from his embrace reluctantly to look up at him, tears blurring your vision as you did so. “I am with C/N.”

Shaking his head at those words, he moved his hands to your shoulders to give you better support. “A child can only do so much in this situation, Y/N.” Shay nodded in the direction of C/N’s room with a concerned frown. “Let her enjoy her childhood regardless of this loss; don’t make her grow up for your sake.”

He was right. In the end, you would be selfish in trying to make C/N take on this burden of yours when she was only four, and that was a cruel thing to do to one so young. “I need to get out of here, Shay.” You were practically begging to be done with it all. “If I have to spend another night in that bed alone, I might just—!”

“Then I will stay here with you, Y/N,” Shay interrupted quickly, aiding you in being rid of your tears with the side of his index finger catching them before his thumb bothered to catch the rest.

“Sh-Shay, you just got to port…!” you pointed out, feeling guilty for making him come all this way after a long mission just to have you fall apart in front of him.

“And sleep will be most welcomed,” he admitted with a small tenor of a laugh on his words. “Where would you like me to rest?”

You would normally have him on the sofa or somewhere else beyond your bedroom, but if you had to sleep alone again, you worried of what may happen to your already broken heart, and what it could provoke you to do. However, the ability to ask such a request was hard, and you swallowed harshly at the thought. “I-I know this is a strange request, but…could you sleep in my bed tonight?”

Shay’s express was illuminated by the nearby candlelight as he raised a brow at your request—perhaps wondering if you were serious. “Are you sure?” he asked, showing he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

“H/N’s side of the bed is so cold that it leaves me sobbing in the middle of the night,” you admitted, embracing yourself in hopes to find reprieve from your sadness in your own touch. “I can’t risk C/N there, for she might see me at my worst…that is why I ask you…”

You could see his brow wrinkle once more in concern, no thanks to the light you had nearby as it touched upon every crease it could. “Why don’t you get ready for bed then?” he suggest, taking the candle from its resting place upon the wooden table and guiding it back to your fingertips. “I will follow after you.”

You did as he suggested, and heading to your bedroom, you changed into your nightgown before beckoning Shay to come on inside. The Irishman was a bit hesitant at first before finally finding the courage to do so. He had changed in another room and merely was rid of the intricate leather attire and was in his undergarments for the time being. While the sight was a bit foreign, you needed someone there beside you…someone who could make the nights easier.

“Thank you, Shay,” you praised quietly, keeping to yourself as it would feel awkward hugging him when he was practically naked, it seemed. “I know this was very last minute and all, but I just—.”

Shay shushed you in a tender fashion, moving his palm, roughed by the sea, to your shoulder to place a supportive hold upon it. “Y/N, you know you don’t have to thank me for anything,” he reminded you, moving his hand to your cheek.

The feel of his hold was enough to make your chest tighten, and you almost felt asphyxiated by it. You wanted to love Shay as he had put that offer on the table, but you were still very much grieving over your loss. However…the presence of him was welcomed all the same. A smile, unseen in the darkness, spread upon your lips for a moment as you nodded to him. “Perhaps now I can sleep.”

Hardly needing little incentive to go to sleep, Shay ventured to his side of the bed to rest while you took to the other. All you could hope for was that H/N would understand you needed this…without him, nights were unbearable, but you couldn’t help but feel you were betraying him in some way.

 

\--

 

“You’re here! You came back!”

The sound of C/N’s voice was enough to wake you rather quickly, causing you to turn and look over your shoulder to notice Shay hadn’t moved an inch himself. C/N had just found her way into the bedroom and was just staring at the weary Shay.

“I did indeed, C/N,” Shay responded, his voice a bit heavy with exhaustion though he was doing his best to mask it. “I promised you I would.”

“C/N…!” you began, a bit worried of her seeing Shay in her father’s bed, but it didn’t seem to faze her. At times you had to remember…she was still so young and not as easily offended in some aspects of life, it seemed. It was hard to really say how you felt about it all. Maybe you were expecting a different reaction? Maybe you were expecting her to at least cry once in awhile, but C/N never did (at least, not around you), and while she spoke about H/N, you’d think she was talking about him like he merely left for work and would be arriving back into town on The Fissure any moment now.

If only you could be so naïve…

Shay moved onto his back and started to wipe the sleep from his eyes. His brown eyes caught you at that moment, and he let his sight adjust to the sunlight pouring in from the nearby window to acknowledge you better. “Morning, Y/N,” he greeted, sitting upright in the bed. “Did you sleep well?”

He was concerned for you when he asked. You could sense it in his tone, and it was then you nodded. You couldn’t deny the fact that you did sleep just fine with him beside you. “I did, thank you,” you whispered as praise more than anything. “I am worried I don’t have much food here, Shay. We ran out of money with you gone, and I wasn’t able to sell much with you away, so I’ve just been feeding C/N.”

Stifling an early morning yawn, Shay nodded in understanding. “I would get the kills from home, but that’s quite a walk from here,” he admitted, still working on waking up. “However, if you don’t mind a trip to the nearby tavern, we can possibly eat something there?”

Having not eaten for many hours, you nodded eagerly at the thought. “It sounds divine, Shay,” you answered. “I appreciate the offer.”

Knowing that he was in his underwear, he shifted his eyes from you to C/N as if to mutely request the child to be gone from the scene so he could change as intended.

“Oh! Umm…C/N? Why don’t we get ready for the day, okay?” you asked your daughter, removing the covers of the bed and getting to your bare feet to escort her out of the bedroom.

“Should we get ready to leave the house too?” C/N asked innocently, her hand to yours before looking back at Shay as she expecting him to answer.

Admittedly, you couldn’t help but look to Shay as well. You had mentioned in your letter that you couldn’t handle living in that house anymore and was willing to move in with him should he allow it. Seemed his concern for you was what brought him to your doorstep first and foremost.

Shay shrugged as he remained partially under the covers. “If you want. I can help you both in moving to Fort Arsenal today if you desire to.”

“Today then.” The words practically shot from your mouth, as you were eager to be done with the past and try to move on. Maybe it was callous to put it that way, but you were so tired of torturing yourself with memories that should be laid to rest.

With that idea put to motion, you took C/N to get changed for the day as well as yourself before heading to the tavern with Shay later on to finally have something pleasant to eat.

 

 

Packing up the things you would need for your moving in with Shay later that day, you found yourself unearthing memories that tugged at your heart all the more in regards to H/N’s memory. Some you desired to keep while others, you wished to be rid of. _I am not going to forget his contribution to my life completely_. You sighed, lowering your head. _Not like I could… C/N reminds me of him every day._

Shay had offered to help C/N pack what she needed, so you didn’t have to worry about them seeing you like this. All the same, when you came across his old uniform, you cringed at the memory of being handed that torn and blood stained clothing those many moons ago. Unfolding it slowly, you saw the very spot once more—the area he had been wounded right where his heart was. Replaying a false memory of how he probably died and what he was thinking…what he was saying…it caused you to crumple the uniform upon your knees with a stifled sob.

“Y/N?” Shay’s voice beckoned from the doorway.

“Oh! Uh…h-hi, Shay,” you stuttered, quickly trying to be rid of your sadness—turning from him as if embarrassed by it.

Shay moved closer to you, placing his hand upon your shoulder to show it was fine to breakdown now and again over H/N’s memory. All the same, you did your best to fight it off.

“I can’t even hold his uniform without crying, Shay,” you whispered pathetically. “How am I ever going to find the courage to go to his grave to talk to him?”

“You will know when that time is right, Y/N,” Shay assured you, kneeling down where you were sitting.

“I feel like I am ashamed of him,” you continued, finding the courage to look Shay in the eyes for once. “I feel like…I am just running from his memory and all the good he did us…” Biting your lower lip, you looked at the Templar pleadingly. “Am I an awful person…?”

Shay was quiet as if to think of something you could be content with. His eyes shifted back and forth to study you as he shook his head. “If I were H/N, I would want my wife and child to live again no matter what it takes.” His gloved hand finding yours, he squeezed it gently as if to provide you strength. “You are not running from him, Y/N; you are trying to heal, and soon, you will be able to look back at these memories fondly.” He closed his eyes tightly and responded to some unknown pain. “I envy you for that…for there was a sin of mine that I am trying to rectify that I will never be able to look back upon in such a way…”

You raised your brow to his vague confession. “To say I didn’t notice your change from when we first met to when we met again as soon as you joined the Templar Order would be a lie,” you admitted. “You too suffer, but you won’t talk of why?”

“You’ll have to trust me when I say there is a more personal reason to why, Y/N,” Shay responded a bit firmly to let you hear the truth in his words. “Perhaps, in time, I will tell you…just…” he paused—flinched even—before continuing. “…just not now…”

It was a reaction in you that you weren’t expecting, but you couldn’t help yourself given how equally defeated Shay appeared; it was there you moved to kiss his cheek.

Shay allowed it—coaxing a smile from him for the time being before his eyes shifted to the side to catch yours. When you hadn’t moved from where you had placed your gentle kiss, he turned his head to where his nose was practically touching your cheek as if to see if you’d pull away then.

For some reason or another, you didn’t. Just the taste of his breath was inviting as it felt as though he were breathing life back into your hollowed soul once more. When his lips touched yours, you moved back only slightly causing Shay to hesitate for a second, but when you didn’t show resistance the second time, he charmed you to kiss him finally with his fingertips upon your cheek.

Maybe you just needed someone to love you again after so long; maybe you just desired that sort of intimacy once more…either way, you let the kiss play out as a gentle peck upon the lips till Shay excited it into something a bit more. Heart beating wildly at the taste of his tongue upon your lower lip, you complied and opened your mouth to allow it entrance as your arms found their way relaxed over his shoulders after releasing the former uniform of your husband.

The kiss went from being a playful and reassuring one to becoming a bit more heated to the point you almost didn’t notice that Shay’s hands had caressed just under your breast and moved to your sides and then to your back. Your mind so clouded, you hadn’t thought to stop it even when he freed your lips from his and began to trail his kisses down to your throat. Mouth opened, you wanted to stop it, but another part of you froze the thought dead.

“Mommy?” came C/N’s voice from down the hallway.

Seems you wouldn’t have to. C/N was good at interrupting Shay’s actions rather well just by calling out to you. Trying to clear your throat and not sound out of breath, you did your best to respond. “Wh-What is it, C/N?” you called, hand to your forehead as if feeling faint.

Shay rested his forehead in defeat against your chest (or maybe in embarrassment he let it go that far when you were just mourning over your deceased husband). All the same, you complied with your hand to the back of his head to reassure him it was fine.

“I am ready to go!” she called simply, probably wanting someone to help her with her belongings if you were all about to leave soon.

“I’ll-I’ll be there in a second, sweetheart,” you called back, closing your eyes tightly as if equally ashamed that you were about to let the situation between you and Shay get further. Looking down at the warrior, finally, you managed a smile to the man. “Get used to that,” you whispered, your smile fading shortly after. “C/N was always good about interrupting me and H/N’s time together. It’s why we only managed to have the one child.” You were joking, of course, but it seemed your words accidentally came across as bitter and it roused concern in Shay.

“Y/N, I am sorry,” he whispered apologetically, and it prompted you to slowly shake your head as if to dismiss the thought. “I didn’t mean to let that happen.”

“No,” you whispered, hand to his cheek with a weak smile reappearing. “It was…it was welcomed.” It was hard to admit that, but it was indeed something you would gladly embrace again; just not yet. “Perhaps some other time, yes?”

Shay stifled a laugh and nodded. “Perhaps,” he answered, allowing you to remove yourself from his embrace to go aid C/N as he took to your belongings and began to move them accordingly so everything could get underway for heading to Fort Arsenal.

 

\--

 

Fort Arsenal wasn’t what you were expecting at all. It was larger than it appeared, and you felt you were being accepted into some sort of mansion. It took a few weeks to get everything down and understand where everything was when it came to the kitchen since you still needed to cook meals. Shay would still offer to help in any form that he could, as he knew you were recovering and depression was still very much that child on your back at all times.

The bed, which belonged to Shay, was big enough for two people, and you felt relief in that thought since you needed the comfort; you didn’t want to sleep on your own in fear of sorrow taking a horrible hold upon you yet again. But, regardless of how peaceful you assumed you were being (even during an infliction of a nightmare), you found yourself being roused by Shay now and again.

“Y/N,” he called to you one evening, causing your eyes to fly open and a sharp inhale to follow.

Looking about the room merely illuminated by the moon’s glow, you turned towards Shay’s voice in the dark room. Your cheeks wet, you played it off quickly. “Wh-What is it?”

“You were crying in your sleep,” Shay pointed out, concern in his voice as he had turned to gaze at you. “Are you having a nightmare again?”

Sighing, you rid yourself of your tears best you could. “Do I…always cry in my sleep…?” Honestly, you wanted to be sure of that as there were some nights you’d sleep right through your nightmares.

“Almost every night, yes,” Shay answered, shifting upon the bed. “I didn’t want to wake you at first, but…I hate hearing you in so much pain.”

Holding the covers close to your body, you let out an exhale of defeat. “You are welcome to wake me, Shay. You know this…right?” Hand to your forehead, you shook your head. “I hate I continue to suffer as this while C/N accepts it so willingly…”

Shay hummed as if you were incorrect in your wording. “She is upset, actually. She hides it pretty well, but she is equally hurting.”

You felt hurt that you had been blind to your own daughter’s pain as you asked quickly, “What do you mean? What is she doing?”

Silent for a moment, the Templar eventually answered. “She too cries at night. I’ve caught her doing it on some occasions when I am coming in late.”

“I feel so awful letting her suffer like that,” you whispered, heart heavy in regret before you moved your hand to your face to hide your shame. “I never…I never knew…!”

Shay’s hand found your wrist with ease in the nearly lightless room, and he moved your fingertips to his lips to kiss you there reassuringly. “She didn’t want you to, Y/N. I’ve spoken to her about it when I’ve gone in to wake her up, and C/N was just intent to hide it from you. A powerful heart, that one—she wanted to be strong for you.”

“What have you been telling her?” You couldn’t help but be curious. Since C/N wouldn’t confide in you, you wanted to know what Shay was telling your daughter in order to empower her.

“That her da was a good lad,” Shay answered, shifting yet again upon the bed’s mattress. “That he did so much to make sure she and yourself had a good life. It was obvious in those actions alone that he loved you both a lot.” When you didn’t respond, Shay moved onto his back to stare at the canopy of the bed. “I tell her I know it is unfair that he was taken, and I wish to God I could bring him back, but…I can’t. I feel powerless in that regard.”

You smiled at his honesty and found your hand upon his chest as it was the main part of him you could just see outlined in the moonlight. “And what does C/N say?”

He hesitated in speaking for a second. You weren’t sure why he was until the words did finally surface. “She asked if I was going to be her new father.”

A hot blush across your tear stained cheeks, you curled your fingers slightly as you weren’t sure what to say to that sort of comment. “Really…?”

Shay turned to your curious yet simple word. “I told her that I don’t know, and that will be your decision in the end.”

“Why mine?” you asked, taking your hand back to allow it to rest beside you.

The Irishman laughed quietly in the darkness. “I can’t very well **_make_** you mine, Y/N.” He sighed through his nostrils and you saw him lie upon his side to try and face you in the shadows of the night once more. “Your heart will be yours to do with as you please. For all I know, some other lad could sweep you up off of your feet.”

You scoffed at the thought. “Yes, like any man out there has done as much for me as you have, Shay. Would you even allow that to happen?”

Again, he offered a small laugh at your words. “Well, I would beat the poor lad that dare tries to take you both from me. I gave you my heart, Y/N, but it is your choice to give me yours in return.” When you didn’t answer him, he continued. “You know I wouldn’t let C/N forget the man who aided in her creation, and I certainly wouldn’t let you forget the man who had the honor of loving you first.”

Even if he wouldn’t be able to see you smile, you did so regardless as you thought it over. “You’ve been kind to us, Shay…you have been my support for sometime now and been a wonderful father figure for C/N.”

“But?” Shay asked, as he felt there was one coming somewhere.

You shrugged. “But nothing,” you corrected him, moving your hand to his face (upon finding it) and began to caress his cheek tenderly. “Can you really love a broken woman like me?”

Shay grabbed your hand and squeezed it tenderly. “You are not broken, Y/N, and even so, what is broken can be fixed.” His hand moved then to your cheek and you could soon taste his breath once more as his lips were inches from yours. “Let me heal you.”

You couldn’t hold onto the pain that H/N accidentally left behind. You couldn’t do it any longer…C/N needed a father, and you needed to find love again as it was the one thing you enjoyed waking up to in this cold, cruel world. Shay had been there through it all for months and he even offered his heart to aid in mending yours. What more would he possibly have to do to show that he was suitable for loving you?

Faltering under his touch and the balmy kiss of his breath upon your lips, you moved closer to him to close the gap between you both and joined your lips together in a passionate kiss. Seemed there was something in your kiss that provoked the man to respond in kind as he moved closer to you then, embracing you protectively in his arms. While your heart still ached and tears still blurred your vision, you smiled at the feel of him so close.

Moving your leg over his, you held him in a hold that was dire to not let go. “Please,” you whispered, inches from his mouth, “don’t leave us…C/N has been through enough…”

Shay’s smile could be heard as he expelled a small burst of air for a laugh through his nostrils. “You have as well,” he reminded you in the quiet of the night. “It is alright to think of yourself too every now and again, you know?”

“Then, is it alright if I ask you to love me?” you asked, hand migrating to his exposed chest to feel of him there.

“I am loving you,” Shay answered, sounding a bit confused by your statement.

You shook your head, moving your hand to his abdomen where you felt him flex under your touch to show his excitement in the thought. “No, I mean love me in another way,” you corrected, tracing the muscles upon his stomach to try and entice him to the thought.

“You keep touching me like that, and it won’t require much coaxing,” he insisted, moving back to your lips to entice another kiss to excite your mind and body to the idea of submitting to him and his love.

He shifted from beside you to upon you in time. Shay’s chest caressed yours as the Templar began to work on teasing you against your cotton gown. His lips continued to occupy yours, and you found yourself nearly drunk on excitement as Shay’s hands moved underneath your nightgown to finally caress your bare skin with his own palms. The rough kiss of his touch nearly caused you to submit fully as the man worked you out of the clothing and tossed the gown to the side on the floorboards. Breaking the connection of your lips, the moisture of Shay’s kiss lingered as you did your best to catch his eyes there in the moonlit room.

His hand cradling your chin, you gasped in pleasure as his other hand found your left breast and was fondling it contently so with his thumb pressing upon the nipple there to tease it into the thought of erection. Your mouth open to the sensation, Shay’s index finger traced your lower lip from the corner to the center before touching it to your tongue to try and encourage you to suck upon the prying digit. Mouth enclosed upon it, you did as he was suggesting—prompting your moans to be muffled and vibrating within your throat as he pinched your sensitive nipple to excite you further.

After teasing your mouth with the thought of sucking on something, he pulled the finger loose, breaking the saliva from it as he drifted the hand down to your thighs where your body started to tense at the thought of being pleasured again after so long. He felt you do so and merely patted your inner right thigh with a gentle shush. “Are you alright, Y/N?” His voice was heavy, and you could easily feel why as his erection was teasing your leg.

You nodded, breathing labored as well as you desired the connection…you wanted it more than anything as your stomach started to burn with excitement. “It’s just…it’s just been awhile…that’s all…” Not to mention it was now with a new man.

Shay hesitated for a moment. “How long?” he asked, seeming interested in knowing.

Biting your lower lip, you wondered if you should lie or be honest. “A year…” you lied, but sighed and realized that it was better to be truthful. “Okay, maybe three years…?”

“Three?” he asked, sounding in disbelief as H/N hadn’t been gone all that long.

You grumbled at his shocked response, narrowing your eyes. “Don’t ruin the moment by making me slap you…” A part of you was teasing but you were also serious.

Shay heard part of the humor and laughed softly all the same. “You are a mother, so I understand, Y/N.” Moving forward, his lips caressed and teased yours with a muffled hum. “Do not worry, for I will be gentle.”

His index and middle finger could be felt upon the pink pedals of your womanhood, and your toes curled in mounting anticipation at the feel as he drifted them slowly up to your clit to apply pressure to the sensitive knob. Gasping yet again at the sensation you hadn’t felt in so long, you dug your nails into the covers as it was almost hard to endure. “F-Fuck, Shay…!” you swore, eyes closed tightly as the fires of ecstasy began to grow within you and cause you to tremble in delight.

As he continued teasing the sensitive skin, you couldn’t help but grab his wrist to try and anchor yourself a bit, or at least entice him to move downward. “Want me to keep going?” he asked, as he had stopped his vigorous actions upon your sensitive and swollen clit.

“P-Please…” you panted, trying to recollect your thoughts though finding it to be a struggle. “I want to feel your love, Shay…!” Maybe it was selfish to excite the thought when still in mourning, but you had to heal—one way or another, and if this was going to aid in that process, you would welcome it.

Shay moved his forehead against yours. You could feel he was sweating as he could you in the cold of the night. His nose touching yours, he rubbed it in a means to nuzzle you. “You can feel my love in many ways, Y/N; this just so happens to be one of them,” he reminded you, moving his arms underneath the bend of your legs to guide the swollen head of his erection to the lips of your entrance.

Feeling the engorged manhood begging to come within you, you felt your knees move closer towards you as if to curl at the thought, but you only resisted that moment as the feel of your tight walls embracing Shay’s length relaxed you shortly after. You did your best to remain as quiet as you could with C/N sleeping down the hall. Teeth to your lower lip to muffle your moans, you couldn’t help but gasp as Shay had when he felt the welcoming warmth of your body.

His thrusting was slow as promised, but Shay struggled with keeping it so. You could feel him nearly get aggressive but stopped when you started moaning octaves higher than he anticipated you to. When you felt his continue struggle to be gentle, it was then you grabbed his cheeks to show it was fine. Your body and soul had been starving for a union again, and to finally have it, you wanted it to reach its peak. “Sh-Shay…it’s fine…!” you panted heavily, breath upon the cold air in the room as you spoke to him. “I want…I want to feel all of you…”

Shay’s lips found yours as he kissed you in a loving fashion before trailing the small kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Alright then,” he grunted, his muscles flexing as he started to pick up pace and thrust within you a bit harder to the point your knees moved backward from the sudden action.

Eyes widening at the aggressiveness, you were left mute as the bed was even quivering under Shay’s movements upon you. You could hear how wet you were as the lewd, damp slapping sounds could be heard the further on he went. Legs moved to straddle Shay’s lower back, you heeled him urgently as if to try and prompt his climax as your own was very much on its way with the ridges of his swollen cock teasing the thought upon each second.

Arms moved to his upper back, you dug your fingers into the skin and even raked it accidentally as pain would, on occasion, accompany the pleasure upon each rhythmic thrust. You couldn’t voice your warning as the shock of the sensation overtook you, and your walls squeezed the intruding erection for all it was worth. You heard Shay grunt at the action as he felt his passage grow smaller and tighter. Hands to his cheeks yet again, you moved your fingers to his loose hair. “Cum for me, Shay— ** _please_** ,” you urged quietly, wanting to feel the warm release of a man who loved you after be starved of it after all these years.

His thighs pinning you in place as they came upon your own in a tight hold, it was then you felt it—the warm rush of his seed kissing your cold body and warming you from the inside out. Back arched, you pushed up against him to where your bodies were in a tight embrace. It was as though you were desperate to keep the loving warmth (every, single drop of it) within you. With his love blanketing you now, you felt Shay grow heavy as he lost most of his energy after the release.

“A-Are you okay?” you asked curiously, moving his hair from his face to try and catch his sight in the moonlight.

“It’s been…a year or so for me,” Shay chuckled breathlessly, sparing a kiss to your forehead. “So, forgive my early weariness.” Not desiring to make you uncomfortable, the Irishman slowly pulled his spent manhood from your entrance making you gasp again at the small bit of pleasure that came from the simple action.

“I am to assume you slept about often then?” you asked breathlessly, allowing your body to calm down from its sexual high as Shay moved beside you—bringing you to his warm and wet body in a loving embrace.

“Does it matter now?” Shay asked, as if to avoid the topic.

“I was merely curious,” you clarified, nuzzling up under his chin. “I wasn’t going to judge you, Shay.”

Shay went quiet before humming in thought. “A few,” he answered vaguely. “But, none of them held my heart during the act, so this was a first time for me in some ways.”

You smiled at that. “Did it feel better then?” Your hands made their way to his upper back as you kept him in a tight, appreciative hug.

His chest quivered with a small tenor of a laugh. “It made the act all the more enjoyable, yes, Y/N.” Shay’s lips found the top of your head as he kissed you there with a sigh of content to follow. “Thank you for trusting me with your heart.”

“Thank you for offering to mend it,” you praised in return before the lulling sound of his breathing guided you to sleep.

 

\--

 

The weeks grew easier as time passed, and soon, you were able to find the courage to venture to H/N’s grave. Not alone, of course as you went with Shay and C/N. You didn’t want to say anything to his spirit…not just yet. You just wanted to look at the marker of his memory and remember what a wonderful man he was. His absence was still a lingering pain in your chest, but it was becoming less of a heaviness overtime with Shay there to work on healing it so.

Kneeling down in front of the gravestone, you placed the flowers there before it—flowers that you had grown in your own garden at Fort Arsenal. Shay watched you closely and noticed the lack of words. “Did you want me to leave you alone so you could speak with him?”

“No, Shay,” you answered, showing your appreciation in the thought with a heavy smile. “I don’t think I can talk to him just yet.” Turning to look back at his name etched into the stone, you nodded. “Besides, he should know how I feel without words.” Knowing C/N was nearby, you turned to your daughter and smiled. “Sweetheart? Did you want to talk to daddy at all?”

Holding her doll close to her chest, she shook her head but kept her same innocent look. After Shay had confessed she had been hurting in private, the signs of it were starting to become a bit clearer when it came to certain actions. C/N always wanted to talk about him, because she wanted a better understanding and acceptance of his death, and she was always quiet in some situations because they were too hard to accept just yet. Funny how your own pain blinded you to your daughter’s.

Getting to your feet, you took C/N’s hand into yours and looked down at H/N’s grave with one last heavy sigh. “Alright then,” you began with immensity to your voice. “I guess we should head back then?”

“Go ahead,” Shay insisted, nodding to you both. “I will be there shortly.”

You were confused as to why Shay wanted to stay, but you didn’t question it as you urged C/N onward to the iron gates. Halfway there, you happened to turn and notice Shay kneeling before H/N’s grave. Blinking curiously at the sight, you turned to your daughter and smiled to her. “Honey, do you think you can wait here for me?”

C/N nodded as she released your hand.

“Remember: Don’t go with anybody, and if anybody tries to take you, you call for me or Shay, yes?” you reminded her, kissing her cheek before quietly heading back towards your husband’s grave where Shay was intent to linger.

“I feel bad for not knowing you well, H/N,” you heard Shay say in the distance as you remained out of sight of Shay just curious to what he was doing. “If Y/N’s stories are any indication, you were an amazing man that opened her heart to this world.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “You also aided in C/N’s life, and she is a beautiful and loving little thing.”

Hearing him compliment your daughter so honestly made you smile as you leaned against the bark of a nearby tree you were using as cover for the time being.

“I highly doubt I will ever take your place, and I don’t aim on trying to,” Shay admitted, rubbing the back of his neck as if nervous of what to say to a deceased man. “But, Y/N needs someone as does C/N, and I will do my best to be there for them both. You have my word on that. I will watch over them for you in this life before you can care for them again in the next.”

Frowning sadly at the thought, you moved yourself quietly from your hiding spot and acted as though you were just coming back to check on him. “Shay?” you called, snapping the Templar to attention.

“Oh! Y/N!” he laughed nervously, getting to his feet with a shrug of his shoulders. “Sorry about that, love. I was merely saying a few things was all.”

All you could think to do was smile to him as you grabbed the collar of his Templar outfit to bring him closer to kiss him once more. It was a kiss of thanks that he wasn’t even aware he was deserving of as he assumed (or hoped) you heard nothing. “What were you saying?”

“I was just…I was just making promises, that’s all,” answered Shay, being indistinctly truthful.

You wouldn’t force it out of him; besides, you heard it all earlier anyways, and nodded over your shoulder. “Come then. If you’re done, C/N is waiting for us.” With his arm hooked about yours, you leaned against him lovingly. “We can come back next week if time allows.”

Shay could only smile at the idea as he made his way towards C/N—picking her up in his arms to head back towards Fort Arsenal with you beside them.


End file.
